The shattered shaft
by Moya-chan
Summary: JD never really imagined what it would be to loose control over his body. Now he's unable to use his right hand and deals with aftermath of burglar attack. Hurt and comfort theme, JDCox. Rated for violence and slashy adult content.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **The shattered shaft

**Chapter: **1

**Fandom:** Scrubs

**Pairing:** Cox / JD

**Rating:** Chapter rating – hard R (NC-17 overall)

**Setting:** Post "_My lunch_" but before Kim. Probably partially AU, since Cox/JD are in established relationship.

**Summary:** JD never really imagined what it would be to loose control over his body. Still, things change pretty drastically. Hurt / comfort theme. Please read author's notes, they clarify the situation a bit.

**Author's notes:** Well, here it is. My first _Scrubs_ fanfic. I know that the idea itself is not very original. I finally got through the 5th season of the series and there is a possibility of OOC'ness, but please bear with my first fic in that fandom (I'm more manga/anime kind of person).

Oh, JD's thoughts are written (_like this_). Daydreams are shown _-- like this -- ._

Anyhow...

----------------

**The shattered shaft**

**Chapter 1**

As he lay down, face pressed hard and uncomfortably into the floor panels of his own apartment (_I really needed to clean it up more often, the dust was already making me sneeze constantly_), JD wasn't really sure what to do next. Sure, there was always the possibility to just stay down and not even twitch, but it was kind of hard to do that. Not when all of your valuable possessions (_Valuable? Who was I kidding; the most valuable things I owned were my currently broken TV, Sasha – fortunately, safely parked away – and a Toto CD_) were currently being stashed away by very angry and apparently quite stoned young guy.

JD wondered what in the name of sweet heavens made him come down to his kitchen in the middle of the night to find a burglar going through his things. Ah yes, a stupid glass of water it was. He knew he should have closed his windows when he went to bed, but his apartment was too damn hot at this time of year and he still couldn't afford air conditioning. It felt like fate was pulling some nasty trick on him.

_-- In his mind, JD could see God, Buddha and Allah sitting on a few clouds above the Earth, making a small talk with each other and drinking 'Heavenbucks' coffee as they yanked the strings that ran all the way down to his apartment, moving JD and the burglar around like a pair of puppets. --_

The young doctor watched silently as the other man rifled through the shelves and cabinets in search of something that could be turned into cash and later a dose of narcotics. Hell, JD was a good doctor; he recognized the symptoms of withdrawal right away. Not quite high but not clean either, mostly unbalanced state of mind. The sweaty hands (_Why wasn't he wearing a pair of gloves; didn't they always wear gloves in the movies?_), shaky voice when he ordered him to lie down, unsteady posture. If he only had chance to look into his eyes he would have got the proof by looking into his pupils. Unfortunately, pressing his face into the floor was not the best position to do that.

"Where's the rest?"

JD stirred, raising his chin from the floor a little, to look at the young man. He avoided any real eye contact, to not provoke any kind of attack. The steel baseball bat he was holding with force certainly wouldn't feel _nice_ if connected to any part of his body.

"The rest of what?"

"Money!" The man shouted, although he probably should keep his voice down at this time of night. That is, if he knew what was best for him. "Or electronic stuff, jewelry... that kind of stuff!?"

Gods, he really was desperate for the drugs.

"Look, I've already gave you the last cent I had with me. You got my iPod and watch, you can take whatever you want. Please, just take what you want."

He rushed around the apartment one more time, the steady wave of frustration making him feel more and more on edge, JD was sure of it. After giving out a pained sigh, the young attending decided it was good time to speak, before he fully snaps.

"You don't have to do this." He made a pause after making sure he caught the other man's attention. "You don't have to steal to buy any more of that junk."

"What?" The burglar stopped dead in his tracks, watching the dark-haired man in surprise.

"I am a doctor; if you want to, I can admit you into my hospital and we will forget about this evening. You just need to say so. I will help you out of this if you only want to."

Ah, always the idealist. JD wondered for a split second how much of his message actually got through the drug-hazed barrier that comfortably shielded the shaky junkie right now. But he had meant it, every single word. One sentence, one plea for help and JD was ready to commit his time to curing the man. He was young, way younger then JD would expect a burglar to be and in his own private world, JD was convinced nobody deserved a fate lined up with drugs and most probably an early death as well.

The first kick that landed on his right side was a surprise and JD yelped in pain, even though it wasn't very strong. Turning him on his back with the heel of his foot, the other man laughed hysterically.

"What the fuck do you know?! Shut up, just shut the fuck up!"

JD's eyes widened at the sight of the baseball bat swinging at him, but he managed to duck and roll to his less bruised side just in time. The bat gave a loud, metallic sound as it collided with wooden floor of his apartment (_Please, please let it alarm the neighbors!_) and the young doctor scrambled to his feet, struggling to regain balance so he could dodge another swing aimed at his head.

He did, fortunately and the bat crashed into the wall that separated his kitchen and living room, tearing off a mass of roughcast and thermal insulation. He yelped in surprise as the small pieces of debris and dust went flying in his direction. Dodging the attacker JD rushed towards his door – forget everything else, he just wanted out of there – trying to grab his cell phone from the kitchen counter as he ran.

It happened so suddenly; at first there was this brief glimpse of silver he noticed with the corner of his eye. Then the powerful swing of the bat came down on his right hand. For a second he could swear he didn't feel any pain, just stopping dead in his tracks to witness how the hard metal descended on his hand that reached for the phone. How his fingers bent under the pressure (_Joints couldn't bend like that, no way in the world joints could bend like that_) and gave that sickening, wet cracking sound, like the one you get while stepping over the crackers and salt sticks littering the floor of your favorite bar. Then someone screamed; an ear-piercing yell tore trough the otherwise silent night. An animalistic wail of pain started that would have either annoyed him or scared the shit out of him, had he not realized that it actually came from his own lips.

After that there was just a flash of white, moments of agony that stretched cruelly trough the eternity, in which he couldn't think, couldn't breathe, clutching the crushed fingers close to himself, not paying attention to the fact he could see fragments of white bones sticking out from his skin, when it hurt like that and there was just pain (_painpainpainpainpainpainpain_)...

He heard shouts, someone telling him to shut the fuck up, but then shouts stopped and kicking took over, as his tormentor no longer bothered with words, just trying to do anything to make him stop screaming. He did, eventually, having no longer any air in his lungs, after it got kicked out of him. He could hear someone walking trough the corridor – a salvation, perhaps? He yelled for help, but before he could learn if it was any use, the smudged shape of silver bat descended upon him again. Before JD lost his consciousness and drifted off towards darkness, he could hear the sound of his own cracking skull and teeth that now fell with loud clatter on his own dusty floor.

----------

Somehow, he woke up after few minutes.

He knew it wasn't long before he lost consciousness; the faint red light of his electronic clock above his stove gave it away. For a split second he wondered what the hell he was doing on the kitchen floor, had Turk once again got his appletinis spiked with something harder and then dropped him unconscious and naked into his kitchen, for everyone to see and laugh in the morning? But as he tried to glance down his chest to see if he really was naked, a sharp wave of pain hit him and the realization came to him in full force.

He groaned in agony as he raised his head a little; the already drying blood was starting to get sticky and moving made the drying strings of it tug on his torn skin painfully. JD knew that there were many things wrong with him right now; the broken ribs, teeth that lay beside him, his hand that right now looked and felt like one giant wound. But it was his vision that got him really worried, as the world blurred before him and swayed around like he was sitting on a child's swing. His phone laid on the floor maybe a meter away; the flap was shattered and JD prayed to whatever god he really didn't believe in that it was not completely broken. Crawling towards it was a task that took him longer then he would have thought; every inch of the way marked with a groan of pain, tears that slid from his eyes even though he didn't really feel like crying and the red, smeared trail of blood he left behind on the wooden floor. When the fingers of his good hand closed around his phone he almost danced a victory dance – well, in his mind at least – and tried to focus his eyes on the numbers. (_Call Perry, call him, he will know what to do, just call him, god dammit!_) While all he wanted was to dial his lover's number, the doctor inside of him knew better. He called the ambulance.

Croaking out his address to the woman on the phone was an enormous task, considering that some of his teeth were currently decorating his floor a meter away from him. He had hoped she understood the name of the hospital he wanted to be taken to. When wave of nausea hit him suddenly, JD barely managed to twist on his better side (_Fuck, right now there is no better side, both feel like they had been hit by Janitor's van_) to avoid vomiting all over himself. It surely wouldn't be a nice sight to anyone, even if the paramedics were used to it.

But they were on their way. JD wanted to dial up Perry's number now, to tell him to prepare the Sacred Heart Hospital for the quite unpleasant surprise, but his fingers already had grown numb and cold. JD's last thought before drifting off again was that this couldn't be a good sign.

----------

Doctor Perry Cox had a bad, bad night.

The nights on call were never his favorite thing in the world – hell, none of the shifts were – but being stuck for hours in the ICU with the bunch of incompetent interns that would not be able to find their own asses without his help was simply too much.

He groaned as he came close to the nurse station and rested his head against the cool surface.

"Poor baby" Carla cooed to him while briefly stroking his unruly curls. "Did other kids tire you out?"

Perry let out another angry groan, his arms spreading on the counter, taking in the coolness that seemed to soothe down his incoming migraine just a little bit. It was a brief moment of peace, all of the patients taken care of until his next check-up round, all stabilized and doing well so far. Maybe, just maybe, he could finally beat the record of holding no death cases during his shift? It was only a couple of hours left...

"Doctor Cox?"

The girl's voice next to him ruined the vision of his 'happy place' that started to form in front of his eyes, the gentle sounds of waves, seagulls and all of that. He chose to ignore the owner of the voice, to pretend he was not there, even if it was his own temple pressed into the counter of nurse's office. He could almost feel Carla smirking at him, her eyes boring into the back of his skull.

"Doctor Cox?"

He groaned and started to bang his head lightly against the counter, before finally raising up and sending his best, perfected death glare towards Lisa, who not only did not cower in fear but held his gaze. She seemed a little pale though. Confused by this unexpected turn of events, Perry tried to find as much courtesy as he possibly could.

"What?!"

Lisa seemed startled; that pleased him.

"Doctor Turk is in OR, he asked for you to come there as soon as possible."

Wait... that had caught his attention. Carla shifted behind the counter nervously – he could hear the rustle of her pink scrubs as she came closer to them.

"What the hell for?" He had some very faint idea by now; no, more like a premonition.

"Doctor Dorian was brought in by the paramedics few minutes ago." Lisa almost whispered, as if not saying it loudly helped to minimize the blow. Carla gasped and clutched the counter, then after few seconds of simply staring at the blonde intern she made her way around the counter quickly – it was quite astonishing how fast a pregnant woman could move if she was determined enough – and came close to him, grabbing his arm.

"Perry, snap out of it!" She hissed, but the worried look was still on her face. The older doctor looked at her in surprise, as if seeing her for the first time in his life.

"Bambi, in the OR, remember?" She quickly reminded the shocked man, while pushing him gently, but firmly towards the ICU exit door. "Go!"

As if it was his cue, Perry Cox started to run like his own life depended on it.

----------

Carla was soon behind him, not really running, but her steps were steady and coming down hard. But he got ahead of her pretty quickly and soon he couldn't hear the woman's steps at all. He couldn't hear anything anymore, just a dull pounding of the migraine in the back of his head and rushing of his own blood as he ran, ran like it was some kind of twisted race, fearing what was waiting for him at the finish line.

Turk was outside the operation room, both of his hands spread wide on the glass he was looking through, looking like a window shop dummy. Perry slowed down, not really needing to rest but despite his fitness he found himself a little breathless. Taking up the position right next to Gandhi he glanced trough the glass and found himself taking a sharp breath, as if someone punched him in the gut.

His first realization was that there was a lot of blood, too much for his own liking when it involved someone he knew. What hit him next was the motionless body that was laid on the operation table. The purple-black bruises that marred Newbie's face, his torso and _god_, what in the world happened to his hand?

Cox was glad he couldn't see him very well, not from the distance and small army of nurses and surgeons that surrounded him. He was even more grateful for that obscured vision when Carla finally caught up to him and burst into tears. She probably shouldn't be watching JD in that state, not to worry too much. Perry almost snorted, finding his thoughts gruesomely comical. Like a sense of her well-being ever stopped that woman from messing with everyone's business.

"What happened?" He breathed out finally, when a surgical nurse ran past them, carrying another bag of blood. He tried not to flinch at the thought of the blood loss JD was now going through.

"I don't know much." Turk shook his head while still keeping his arms wrapped protectively around Carla's. The woman seemed to be calming down, even though her hormones were probably giving her one hell of a ride right now. "Doctor Wen promised to tell me more as soon as he gets out of there. I talked to the paramedics that brought him in. They said his flat was demolished. Either it was a burglary or he got in a bad fight. Maybe both."

Carla's gasps sounded more like a sobs now and Turk winced, rubbing his hands up and down her back.

"He managed to call the ambulance somehow. They said that the most obvious injuries were on his head and hand. They haven't told me anything more then that."

Perry turned back to the glass, trying to make a sense out of the scraps of information he now had. Head injury – concussion, broken skull, blood loss. Bruises on chest – broken ribs, possible internal organs damage? Hand – broken bones, probably. What else?

Carla seemed to sober up a bit and she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. Her mascara smudged her cheeks slightly, but she was obviously past caring at that very moment.

"I'll go page Elliot." The nurse's voice was shaken a tiniest bit, but still strong. "And after that I am going to get us coffee and come back here. We are going to need it." She nodded, as if convincing herself that was the right thing to do. "You guys don't leave this place. Don't leave Bambi alone."

"We won't." Turk reassured his wife with a sad, forced smile. Perry chose to say nothing.

----------

After a very shocked and teary Elliot joined them in front of the operating room, Turk was forced to once again tell his story about every detail the paramedics spared him. This time Carle held through it without breaking into tears.

Perry was seating nearly motionless, slowly going through his coffee, now long cold, but he didn't seem to notice. Elliot could see the stubble that started to appear on his face and wondered how long the tired man had been awake. He'd been on call since late afternoon.

In the late dawn hours doctor Wen finally came to them; his surgical scrubs fresh and new, probably to avoid meeting them with Newbie's blood splattered in front, Perry thought grimly.

"Doctor Wen, how is he?" Elliot had sprung to her feet, nearly spilling the sad remains of her coffee. Carla grabbed Turk's hands and squeezed, hard, but he never even winced, too focused on the Asian attending.

"I'm not going to say he's doing great, but it could have been a lot worse. Apart from the three broken ribs he has no internal damage."

'_Oh thank god_' Perry squeezed his eyes shut. Even if he didn't believe in him, he had to thank someone, or something, that watched over the young doctor.

"It's his head and hand injuries that seem to be the biggest problem right now. He was attacked with some kind of blunt object; His skull was nearly cracked open. There is a high chance of concussion – we won't know for sure until he wakes up – and we are not really sure how bad the head and brain damage will be. It's too early to predict."

Perry glanced at the black surgeon sitting next to him; after all, he was JD's best friend. Turk seemed fine, steady at least, but something in his eyes told him that inside he was going mad with worry.

"There is, of course, a mass amount of swelling and bruises, but it should go down in week or two. Apparently, some of his teeth were knocked out as well."

Elliot started to weep. Again. But right now, Doctor Cox tried not to pay attention. She needed it. Hell, all of them did.

"Doctor Wen, what about his hand?"

"It appears to be smashed with the same kind of object. The phalanges and metacarpals of the right hand are broken in multiple places and most of them are open fractures, so we have to start him on antibiotics as soon as possible to avoid infection. Some of the muscles got cut with the bone fragments, but they're minor injuries, shouldn't be much of a problem. The bones, however, are the main issue. As soon as he wakes up and stabilizes I would like to schedule him for the reconstruction surgery. The faster we do this the better. Still, there is a high risk he won't be able to use his hand to its full extent ever again."

With that, Perry had enough. He could tell the rest of the story himself. Concussion, rehabilitation to be even able to move the hand at all, problems at work when he won't be able to do as much as inserting an IV.

"Doctor Cox, where are you going?" Elliot's yell, loud and angry ran through the halls as he dumped the remains of his coffee to nearest basket and clasping both hands on his neck, he made his way back to the main hallway and out.

"Home, Barbie. I'm going home." He rasped out as he pushed the door open and disappeared from their sight.

----------

Perry bent under the yellow and black police tape as he used his key to get inside the flat. They were here soon after the paramedics, protecting any kind of evidence they could find. Perry was still convinced they would find nothing. Newbie's blood, newbie's fingerprints, _his own_ fingerprints. He had been here long enough for the apartment to be marked with his own presence, his touch and smell.

He stepped over the shattered glass from the window and then looked around. The place was a mess. Everything was out of place, torn, thrown away and broken. Not a single item was spared; and Perry knew, he had seen the surroundings nearly every day. He somehow memorized the position of every single one of Newbie's idiotic knickknacks, like the custom made figurine of Sasha or the call-phone holder that flashed bright red lights and gave a silly tune every time he got a call.

He shook his head, raising said holder from the ground when it had laid helplessly and fixed it back to its proper place.

Then his eyes fell upon the kitchen floor, where the panels were stained with red. Perry's eyes widened for a second, and then he slowly approached the trail, running his fingers over it gently. It was already dry, sinking into the wood, marking it probably beyond the point of repair. He hoped that JD wasn't in the same condition.

The tired man sat down on the floor, leaning on one of the cabinets and stared at the red stain angrily, as if a staring contest could fix things. _It's not here, it never happened, go away_.

His eyes burned, but no tears came. Perry Cox didn't cry. He just died a little inside instead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **The shattered shaft

**Chapter:** 2 ?

**Fandom:** Scrubs

**Pairing:** Cox / JD

**Rating:** Chapter rating – T / R (NC-17 overall)

**Setting:** Post "_My lunch_" but before Kim. Probably partially AU, since Cox/JD are in established relationship.

**Summary:** JD never really imagined what it would be to loose control over his body. Still, things change pretty drastically. Hurt / comfort theme. Please read author's notes.

**Author's notes:** Thanks for positive response regarding the first chapter. It's hard to be objective towards yourself if you write something from the fandom for the first time. I live on comments; they help me to write next chapters ;)

This part will probably hold good amount of medical stuff, as well as next chapters. I've spent hours browsing the web for info about phalanges and metacarpals anatomy, the types of fractures, surgery and medication to follow and physical therapy. I even downloaded scans of x-rays of the most interesting cases. Yep, that's weird, I know. Still, I like to keep my stories as truthful as possible. Please excuse me if anything is off in here when it comes to medicine.

----------------

**The shattered shaft**

**Chapter 2**

One hour, three minutes and fifty-six seconds after JD left the operation room, Perry's cell phone rang.

He was still seated on the cold floor of Newbie's apartment, apparently dozing off right there on the spot. His neck cracked uncomfortably as he rotated his head around a little bit, trying to get rid of that annoying stiffness in his muscles. The incoming call was "_Satan's spawn_", so he sighed and rubbing a hand over his tired face, he pressed the acceptance button.

"What do you want, Jordan?"

Something about his voice made the Sullivan woman back out for a second – but only a second – before she chirped into her cell.

"Well, hello to you too, Per-Bear. Since you obviously don't remember – but who would have blamed your weak memory, you are getting SO much older each and every single day – I would like to oh-so-kindly remind you it's your turn to take Jack to the park while I get my extra massage session with Diego."

He groaned sleepily, raising himself from the cold floor, careful not to step on the dried blood trail that marked the kitchen.

"Can't do, Jordaroo, I've gotta go back to the hospital."

"Stop that bull crap" Jordan huffed into the phone angrily. "I know you have your day off today, so shut it and come here by ten like the good little watch dog you are, hmm?"

"Can't." Perry winced again as his back stretched the muscles that were sore from staying in that uncomfortable position for two hours as he napped. "I'm not on call, but I've got to go back right now." Hearing the astonished silence on the other side of line almost made him smirk. Jordan knew him for grater part of his life – coming back to hospital on his day off was not something Perry Cox did on every day basis. "Newbie got mugged in his own house. Last time I saw him they were trying to put his cracked skull together like a fucking jigsaw puzzle."

There must have been a hint of hysteria in his voice – as much as he hated to admit it, because he did _NOT_ just make a bad joke about JD's life, did he?

"Is DJ going to be alright?" Perry knew she tried to keep her voice normal and on casual level. The key word being 'tried'.

"I don't know, Jordan. I simply don't know."

------

Three hours, twenty-two minutes and ten seconds after JD left the operation room, Nurse Carla Espinosa-Turk was trying to calm down a very pissed off Doctor Elliot Reid.

The current process went slowly and involved three cups of strong coffee for the blonde attendant and one cup of green tea for the Latino woman.

"I can't believe he just walked out like that!" Elliot shrieked, taking a gulp of her drink. "He didn't even wait till they roll him out of the OR, he just left! He hasn't even seen him since!"

Carla watched her friend closely. Elliot looked tired – they all did – her makeup almost worn off, dark bags under her eyes, hair sticking out it every possible direction. She looked lost, line she needed someone to reassure her. Still, Carla was sure that she should not speak at loud about what happened just before the blonde doctor came into the ICU.

Because Perry had been here. Carla saw him entering Bambi's room when he came back to Sacred Heart. She knew that Doctor Cox was aware of the fact she had been watching him. But it was ok, it was Carla after all, the only person in this damn hellhole that seemed to know him better then even he himself did.

The kid looked horrible. Perry winced as he glanced quickly over the damage. One side of his face was completely dark, the violet-black bruises in full bloom. Swelling was ominous as well; until it came down at least a little bit they were stuck with the recovery. Even though Perry couldn't see it right now, he was sure there would be one, giant gap where some of the molar and premolar teeth were knocked out. It would be one hell of a smile that Newbie would be giving them all once he wakes up.

Perry nearly cursed himself. He was doing it again, turning everything into joke, while he didn't even feel like it. Sitting down on the side of Newbie's bed, he inspected his right hand. It was toughly bandaged and cradled to immobilize the crushed bones. The older man frowned at the thought of JD being crippled like that. There had to be something... his recovery will go fine and even if he didn't make it to one hundred percent of mobility, there was no way in the world Newbie would be forced to leave the ICU job for the sake of something so… minor. He could not, simply could not imagine JD doing a desk job, consulting or anything other then real doctor's job.

He also feared of the complications the concussion might bring. Picking up Newbie's chart, Doctor Cox scanned the paper down, stopping at the neatly written lines about head injury. Taking few second to read it, Perry nodded to himself. There had been fractures on the skull, but the bones were fairly intact. Glancing up from the chart to JD's face, he tried to put together the scattered information. The pieces sometimes matched, sometimes not, falling into place at random. Newbie was alone in his flat when he got attacked. Why him? Was it a random choice? Crushed wounds – not shot, not cut, hence the possibility of concussion rose up. An amateur; people who knew what they were doing usually picked firearms or blades. It must have been strong hit, to make his skull crack and knock out teeth. Was he attacked with some item from his own apartment? No, there were signs of the fight, but no blood anywhere but the kitchen floor. Where newbie had crawled for his phone, head heavy and bleeding, hand protesting with agonizing pain and--

Perry snapped out of his thoughts and put back the chart quite violently, hanging it back on the bed frame. Rubbing his tired face he gave Newbie one more inspecting look. The kid was doped on painkillers and sedatives; he wouldn't be waking up for at least a few more hours.

He sighed. He never was the type to sit by someone's bed and just squeeze hands. Perry snorted angrily. Like that had ever helped anyone.

Still, he ran his hand gently over JD's forehead, pushing back the dark strands of hair that made him look even paler right now, ghosting over white bandages wrapped around his wounds. He took his hand back after few seconds, as if the simple touch burned him.

JD was always the type to touch and cuddle. Perry was not. It was said that opposites attract each other, so maybe their relationship wasn't _that_ weird. It started simple, really. Kisses stolen once or twice out of frustration and drunken state of unawareness. Hands brushing against sweaty skin at the lockers, after hours on call. A few quick make out sessions when no patients needed them and supply room looked comfortable enough for the two tired out doctors. Then came sex, and gods, it was divine, so why would they stop if it was benefiting them both that much?

From the beginning it was a secret, something they shared only between themselves, although JD had literally ached inside to confess to Turk, but he somehow held on. It was Perry's choice, to keep the low profile. The kid had been hurt by it, of course. But then Doctor Cox decided he didn't care anymore, if this whole thing got out, if the whole fucking world knew. He had confirmed and strengthened his hold on Newbie when he had kissed him in cafeteria, out of the blue, not paying attention to rest of the world except for the hot, squirmy tongue in his mouth.

It was as sappy as it could get, really. 'The kiss' as Elliot sometimes dreamily referred to it (Doctor Cox had to admit, Barbie was the worst sucker for romance he had ever seen, even more then Newbie) happened more then year ago and they still managed not to claw each other's eyes out. At work, it was still Scary Doctor Cox and Random-girl's-name. At home, Perry tended to change a bit, but not as much as Newbie probably hoped. Yet the kid never complained, much to Perry's surprise.

He needed another coffee. Or maybe sleep, to soothe out that annoying ache in his neck that formed hours ago at Newbie's apartment. He wouldn't be here when JD woke up; Perry was not sure he even wanted to. Amnesia. He knew he forgot to add something to his worries list. Amnesia was also one of the possible dangers from heavy concussion.

Deciding that the kid should have at least small hint of his presence, Perry's thoughts trailed off for a second, then with a loud sigh he put a small item into JD's left hand and closed the fingers gently over it. Giving Carla one last, annoyed look he left the room and wandered back to the on-call room, to catch at least hour or two of sleep.

------

Five hours, fifteen minutes and thirty-three seconds after JD left the operation room, Officer Nico Adorsky and Officer Brian Ballatyne came to Sacred Heart.

Carla nudged the door to on-call room slowly open, peeking inside. It was flooded in dark, only lit by the strip of light she was now allowing inside. The figure hunched on one of the highly uncomfortable beds seemed to be asleep and Carla's heart clenched at the thought of waking him up.

She walked silently to the bed, placing her hand on the man's shoulder and pressed it lightly, trying to wake him up as gently as possible.

"What?" Perry grumbled as his eyes opened; it sure felt like someone had put sand behind his eyelids, since they burned like he was in seventh level of hell. Jordan might have been able to clarify it, he thought sleepily, not sure of surroundings.

"It's me." Carla whispered, so he wouldn't cringe at a loud voice. "Sorry, but you've got to get up."

The first thought that hit him then was '_God, please no_'. His eyes snapped open violently, back to full awareness and his breath came out in desperate gasp. Carla saw the reaction, her own eyes widening in surprise, then she understood.

"No, Perry, Bambi's fine, he's fine."

The images swarming through his head slowed down. Newbie crawling down the bloody floor, his life escaping him with every second. Newbie crashing as his vitals dropped, the screeching of the life support monitors immobilizing Perry, not allowing him to run in and help. A vision of Kelso unplugging the machines that helped Newbie breathe, even though he was doing fine on his own...

"Fuck." He gasped out, calming down his nerves. "I'm too old for that, Carla."

"I'm sorry." She said softly, her hand still placed on his arm. "But I had to wake you up. Some police officers came to talk to Bambi but because he's still unconscious they want to talk to next of kin. I doubt Dan knows what's going on, so that leaves you."

He looked at her for a moment, staring as if she suddenly grew a pair of horns.

"Next of kin? What I am supposed to tell them, that I'm Newbie's _husband_? You're as much his relative as I am."

"I thought that you don't care about that anymore." Carla frowned at him. "You admitted it yourself by staying with him for past year. You're his partner." She smirked when he winced at her choice of words. "Just talk to them, ok? They're in conference room where board meetings always go."

Perry grumbled out something vague, but she took it for confirmation. As she made it back to the door, a sudden thought hit her and she turned briefly, to give him another worried look.

"Just try not to eat them alive, would you?"

"Sure." Perry's mouth twitched in ghostly smile. "That's Jordan's job anyway. Oh, can you call that disaster of a brother of his? Someone should probably inform him."

She nodded briefly and then left the on-call room. Perry muttered few curses to himself, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to get rid of the remains of sleep that still clung to them. Newbie was fine, so why did his heart race so much?

Perry blinked few times, then rose from the uncomfortable bunk. Whatever the boys in blue wanted from him, he didn't have to like the interrogation. Barking a few commands to interns slacking off in the hallway, he grabbed a cup of the lousy coffee from nurse's station (Carla gave him an amused look) and made his way to the conference room.

The two cops that waited for him inside were young; Doctor Cox nearly groaned at the thought of the fate of Newbie's case in their hands. They looked just like his interns, but in different uniforms; had the same look, like they were fresh from the school and still unsure what to do without looking into the instruction books.

"Doctor Cox?" The blonde one – looking disturbingly like Keith and surely as cocky as him – raised from his seat and extended his hand in greeting, but Perry merely glared and grunted something in response. The other officer – with short, black curly hair - remained in his seat, only nodding towards the grumpy doctor. Good, the less annoying talking the better. He took a place in Bob's usual seat and glared expectantly at the pair.

"My name is Officer Brian Ballatyne and this is Officer Nico Adorsky. As you have been informed we are here regarding the attack on Doctor Dorian that happened few hours ago."

'_Tell me something I don't know_' Perry almost groaned out, but somehow managed to keep himself in check. After all, he promised Carla to at least try talking to the two idiots. Officer Idiot and Officer Curly did not impress him so far.

"We have inspected the apartment, but found nothing but the signs of fight, spatters of blood – but they were only Doctor Dorian's – and some fingerprints. Unfortunately, nothing more then that. Some eye witnesses claim that they have seen a man running out of Doctor Dorian's flat while holding a baseball bat, but that is still unconfirmed."

Baseball bat? Perry frowned lightly, pieces of puzzle clicking together some more.

"That would fit." He interrupted the cop's monologue, taking a sip of the coffee.

"Excuse me?" The other officer finally spoke up, Perry had been wondering if he was mute.

"The baseball bat. It fits. His injuries were made by a blunt object swung at him with force."

Officer Idiot scribbled something in his notepad. Perry almost laughed at how stereotypical he looked right then. Good cop with good grades in school and too damn eager to show what he is worth. It didn't matter if they were interns, officers or anyone else. Rookies all over the globe all looked the same.

"We've been informed that Doctor Dorian is still unconscious. Any ideas when he might wake up?" He looked at Doctor Cox expectantly, but got only a lazy shrug in response. "We will return in few hours, maybe he will be up by then."

"There is still the matter of fingerprints." Officer Curly tapped his fingers against the table impatiently, earning himself a glare from the scruffy doctor. "We have found three types of fresh fingerprints at Doctor Dorian's apartment. One that belongs to him, one still unidentified and not figuring in our database and third one is yours."

"What about it?" Perry raised his eyebrows in question. Thanks to those few unfortunate episodes of drunken bar fights his own prints were now on record with the police.

"We have double checked the information and considering the circumstances and past we would like to know why exactly your fingerprints were found on the scene."

He didn't like where they were going, not a one bit. Perry squeezed the ugly mug of coffee harder and stared at the pair of cops.

"Since when I became a suspect?" He huffed.

"I'm sorry" Officer Idiot spoke once again, sounding completely insincere. "But considering your background info about home abuse and reports on acts of violence under the influence of alcohol we have to ask."

Perry set down his mug on the table quite gently, then flicked his nose and crossed arms on his chest. Classic 'Doctor-Cox-is-about-to-rant' pose, as JD sometimes called it.

"Well listen closely princesses, for I am not about to repeat myself." He watched as the two officers tensed at the mild insult. Oh, they were so not ready for what was coming down on them. "Just because I had the luck to be daddy's boy – and no, I mean the non-stereotypical kind of love, where signs of affection are bottles hurled at you and a slap that knocked you out unconscious – that does not mean I go assaulting everyone around. Now, if one of you peaches even bothered to notice, I was the first person referred to you when it came to talking to relatives. If I were in your place – and god forbid it, because who would like to work with idiots like you – I would at least _try_ to put the pieces together. My fingerprints are all over Doctor Dorian's place because I had been in his apartment this very morning, since I live with him." He sneered at the surprised expressions of the officers. "That's right, sometimes we screw at his place, sometimes at mine, depends from the mood and circumstances. But noooo – instead of bothering to gather _real_ background information, you just jumped to conclusions that since I am such an obvious suspect with all the rage and anger underneath, then I must have been the one to crack that little skull of his. Now if you excuse me, ladies, this conversation is _over_."

Without saying anything else, Perry left the two astonished and angry officers alone in the conference room, wondering what the hell had just happened.

------

Eight hours, forty-three minutes and nineteen seconds after he was brought to OR, Doctor John Dorian regained his consciousness.

The first sensation he had was, obviously, pain in every possible inch of his body, both on the outside and on the inside. Then came back the sense of smell – the sharp scent of antiseptic making him cringe a little, despite the past five years of working in the hospital. Things were perceived a little bit differently when one was not a doctor, but a patient.

After that came hearing. First it was low, soft buzz of the surroundings and doctors and nurses talking in the hallway. The rhythmic beeping of machines and monitors was unusually soothing, something he could focus on, counting every sound, slowly coming back to land of living.

Opening his eyes was hard, as if the eyelids were glued together, but after few moments of rapid blinking his vision cleared a bit. It was still blurred, but JD's medical education told him it was caused by sedative and painkillers he must surely be on – even though the latter seemed not to be working at that very moment.

The next thing that made through the haze of confusion and pain made the corner of his mouth twitch a little in faint imitation of smile, as much as he could manage without putting himself into more suffering. He basked in the slightly overwhelming feelings and sensations. The fingers of his left hand squeezed the item that was placed in his protective grasp. Lifting his hand slowly closer to his face to see clearly, JD smiled as his assumptions were confirmed. Tangled in his fingers was the blue and yellow rubber bracelet of Down Syndrome awareness that Doctor Cox always wore on his right wrist.

It seemed that he hasn't woken up alone after all.

------

_**A/N: **__**For those that might not know: That's not exactly a Down syndrome awareness wristband but one for 'Buddy walk' – the **__**National Down Syndrome Society's program for kids with Down Syndrome. John C. McGinley is a spokesman of the Buddy Walk.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **The shattered shaft

**Chapter:** 3

**Fandom:** Scrubs

**Pairing:** Cox / JD

**Rating:** Chapter rating – T (NC-17 overall)

**Setting:** Post "_My lunch_" and "_My fallen idol_" but before Kim. Probably partially AU, since Cox/JD are in established relationship.

**Summary:** JD never really imagined what it would be to loose control over his body. Still, things change pretty drastically. Hurt / comfort theme. Please read author's notes.

**Author's notes:** Hand surgery research info I mentioned in chapter 2 is somewhat used here. Sorry if details are off, all I used was google ;)

Just to make things clear, each "------" line stands for time skip. Sometimes smaller, sometimes bigger.

----------------

**The shattered shaft**

**Chapter 3**

When Carla paged him, he was standing on the roof, leaning on the rail and trying to calm down the pounding headache that currently was set on making his eyes burst out of his skull by the sheer blood pressure. He glanced at the small device, his eyes scanning the short message. '_He's awake_' it said and Perry let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. Putting the pager back in his pocket, he laid his head on the cool rail, finding it a bit soothing. After that he laughed; it started as a chuckle somewhere deep in his chest, to slowly transform into something bigger, more desperate. It seemed that all of the dark feelings that resided in his chest by now left him along with the laughter that escaped his lips.

------

"How are you feeling, Bambi?" Carla asked gently as she made her way into JD's room. It had been three days since he woke up and every time she entered his room she asked the same question.

"I've been better." That was his usual reply, but given with a faint trace of a smile.

JD was getting better. Slowly, but surely. The first day was the worst; the nausea and massive amount of vomiting from the concussion made him ache in every possible way. He faintly remembered asking Carla about eight times where Doctor Cox was and each time she simply replied that Perry was doing his rounds. But in next few minutes JD was forgetting that he had already asked her that and repeated his question. The Latina nurse was really a saint to go through all that stuff over and over again.

At times the ringing in his ears was so loud he felt like screaming. The headaches made him even more nauseated and the circle closed, leaving him shaking after another hour of vomiting.

But he was feeling fine by now, only the little headaches remaining and sometimes the extra light sensitivity. For those times nurses made sure he had his window blinds closed, leaving the room half dark. What bothered him the most was his eyesight. He had discussed it with doctors on call, but people seemed to be reluctant on giving him answers. What he really wanted was to talk to Perry, but he hadn't come near his room ever since JD woke up.

Really, Elliot had given Doctor Cox one hell of a lecture when she learned that he hadn't visited JD ever since the first day. The grumpy doctor seemed to be annoyed by her rant, but didn't bother to reply to the accusations. JD seemed to be doing fine with Perry's indifference, as the pissed off Elliot reported him back the results of their one-sided argument.

"He's just not that type of guy." JD sighed as the blonde kept screeching her anger out.

"What do you mean, 'not that type of guy'? He was supposed to be your partner, or maybe you have forgotten? You've been together for so long now and three days after you wake up he still doesn't give a rat's ass?!"

"Elliot." Carla came into JD's room, stopping her in mid-rant. "Ms. Aria had been asking for you. You were supposed to be in her room by now."

"Frick!" Elliot panicked, gathering her charts from the small table she had dumped them on earlier. As she dashed out of the room, JD looked back to the nurse and muttered silent 'thank you' in her direction.

"You know he does care, right?" Carla asked gently, trying to find out in what mood JD was in right now. She never told him that Perry had been coming to his room every night while he was asleep.

"I know." The young man rested his head back on the pillows and Carla came closer to arrange them properly and make him more comfortable. "He's not a helicopter."

"A helicopter?" She laughed, not really understanding what the man was talking about. She glanced quickly at his chart, checking if they had put him on some painkiller that made him become less lucid. Less then usually, at least.

"You know... hovering?" JD sighed as he closed his eyes. Carla only nodded and left the room silently, not to disturb his sleep.

------

It was a night before his hand surgery scheduled for the next morning when he woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of gentle snoring that filled his room. Trying to focus his eyes out of the sleepy haze he was still in, JD turned his head around only to see a slightly blurry image of Doctor Cox resting in the armchair someone had brought to his room, head supported on one of hospital pillows and legs propped on JD's bed.

Somehow he knew that Perry was around. First the wristband he found in his own grasp minutes after waking up – still resting under his pillow, like a lucky charm. There were the subtle signs of his presence that gave it away; the smell of his cologne; the chair that was in a different spot every morning, even when the nurse always placed it by the door; empty plastic coffee cups in the waste basket by his bed.

JD tried to arrange himself on the bed more comfortably so he could watch the other man sleep, but involuntarily he gasped in pain as he put pressure on his right hand. Perry's snores were cut abruptly and when he was awake, his eyes meeting JD's right away.

"Hey." JD whispered sheepishly, not sure if Doctor Cox was mad at him for catching him off guard. He wished he could see the details on his face more clearly, but his vision was still blurred.

"Hey." Perry replied sleepily and the younger man sighed in relief that his voice held no anger. "What time is it?"

JD glanced at the clock above his room's door and sighed.

"Dunno. Can't see the clock too well."

Perry would be giving him a worried look now, he was sure of it.

"Still no improvement with your eyes, Newbie?"

"No." JD rested his head back at the pillows, careful not to lie down on the most painful bruises. The swelling on his face had come down a bit, but he still looked like a grotesque image of a living punch bag. "Doctor Thompson wants to do another x-ray when I'm out of the surgery. He says there is possibility that they didn't catch in the first shot, but maybe there is a skull bone that puts pressure on the eye nerves."

"And if not?"

JD shrugged, as much as his troubled ribs allowed him.

"Then I guess I'll have to start wearing glasses." There was a moment of silence when JD seemed to stare of in the distance and Perry frowned at him.

"If you are imagining yourself in pair of huge-ass glasses like Harry Potter's then snap out of it NOW."

"You're no fun." JD pouted as he came back from the land of fantasy. Doctor Cox merely snorted.

"If it ever comes to it, rest assured that _I_ will be the one to pick your frames, Lucinda, because as much as you believe in your own sense of fashion, I'm pretty sure you would pick the most disgusting design possible, while you might look not half as bad in _decent_ frames."

"I never knew you dig glasses." JD smirked with the corner of his mouth. "This opens up new possibilities."

The older man only huffed in faked annoyance. There was a long moment of comfortable silence after that, the stillness of the room only disturbed by sound of soft breathing coming from both men. After a while Doctor Cox wondered if the kid was asleep, but soon the slight stir of his body proved him otherwise.

"Perry?"

_Oh__-o_, coming to first names. This was an obvious sign that kid wanted to have a serious talk. The older man grunted to show him he was listening.

"I'm scared."

He wasn't really expecting that and shifted in his armchair slightly.

"I can't even feel my fingers right now, or feel anything. It's like I don't have my hand at all." JD shivered against his will, his vivid imagination showing him possibilities he never wanted to reconsider. "Doctor Thompson says that fixing the bones with plates or screws is out of question since the bone fragments are too small. That leaves bone grafting and fixing it with Kirschner wires and then tendons reconstruction. Perry... that's months of recovery and there is no guarantee I will be able to use that hand at all."

"Thompson is a good surgeon." Perry scooted his armchair closer to his bed to take the injured hand and inspect it more closely. "I agree with him that K wire is the best option here. And yes, Newbie, it will be few months until the progress shows, but you'll have physical therapy for that."

JD didn't look convinced.

"Don't worry about that for now." Perry let the crushed hand rest back on the covers. "How did your little chat with police go?" He tried to change the subject, hoping that JD would take the bait. He did.

"I've told them all I remembered, but it looked like it wasn't what they wanted to hear. Why were they so set on asking me if it wasn't you who attacked me?" He asked with a frown.

"You know how it goes, Carol. Because my daddy used to hit me when I was little I surely must go on a rampage every day and beat up people around me with a baseball bat like a lunatic and inflict domestic violence, blah, blah, blah." Perry rolled his eyes theatrically and was pleased to hear JD laugh a little. "Now, I am going to go and get myself a cup of that liquid rust from nurse's station that they dare to call coffee. When I get back you better be sleeping." The kid needed sleep, that much was obvious. Tomorrow's surgery would probably leave him out cold on sedative for most of the day, but right now the dark circles under JD's eyes were not caused by his bruises but simply lack of rest.

"I might want to take my chances." JD muttered sleepily, watching the mildly surprised expression on Perry's face.

"No, believe me." Perry stood up from his seat, numbed muscles tingling as they shifted. He ran his hand trough the black mass of JD's hair on the non-injured side of his head. "I always knew you were a masochist, but you do not want to feel my wrath."

As he walked out of the door JD's sleepy chuckle still rang in his ears.

------

He could feel her stare as he lightly bent over the nurse's station and filling his chart files, his unruly writing looking more and more like drunken chicken scratch. The longer he refused to sleep, the messier his handwriting became, but Perry, being himself, could not give a damn. It was early evening, he was on call and Newbie was still out cold after his surgery.

He tensed up in surprise when a soft female hand found his way to his forehead, simply resting there and checking his temperature.

"As much as I appreciate the sudden interest in me, Carla, I don't think your _wife_ would be pleased of the current turn of events."

She frowned and glared at him in anger, but didn't take her hand away for few more seconds.

"You are too tired, why don't you ask Kelso for the day off? Your temperature is spiking a bit."

"Ask Bobbo for day of vacation?" Doctor Cox raised his eyebrows as if wondering and then shook his head theatrically. "I might as well sacrifice Jack to all of the damn demons of seventh ring of hell. And yes, by that I mean Jordan's family; did you know her mother used to bathe in blood of virgins? That must have been one hell of a sight. Not that I ever want to see her mom naked, god forbid." He frowned as the hellish image came to him in quite vivid colors.

"When was the last time you ate something?" Carla apparently was set on the questioning, as her voice stayed calm but with that hidden 'I-will-make-you-pay-if-you-lie-to-me' tone underneath. Perry clicked his pen a couple of times, eyes still set on his chart.

"I had coffee."

_Uh-oh_. Wrong answer, Perry noticed with regret as Carla's hands traveled up to her hips and rested there. The threatening effect was a bit spoiled by her round stomach.

"That's not what I asked."

"Oh for god's sake." Perry growled, raising his eyes from the paperwork and rubbing the back of his neck tiredly. "I had lunch. A ham sandwich, if you need to know all the unimportant details so badly."

"When?"

He looked at her for few seconds, then turned his gaze away and mumbled something incomprehensible.

"What was that?" The Latina nurse insisted, moving a bit to catch his stare but failing miserably as he went back to his chart. She took it away from him quickly, earning herself an annoyed glare.

"Some day. Yesterday. Day before that. Maybe."

"Doctor Cox!" She huffed angrily, about to start a tirade about the importance of nutrition when Perry simply reached around and snatched his charts back before storming off to different ward.

"Doctor Cox!" Carla yelled at him again, but he merely waved his hand in dismissive gesture and fled the ICU.

Coffee was good, Perry decided, as he seated himself in doctor's lounge and rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. He had been practically living on it for past couple of days. Well, not that the most of the coffee served in his hospital was even drinkable, but all in all, caffeine was good enough to keep him running. He briefly reconsidered having it distributed to his system by the IV when he was too tired to move, but shook off the idea. That seemed more like Newbie's stupid daydream and he snarled at himself in annoyance.

------

JD was currently busy squinting at the x-ray file he held in his left hand and tried to read it in the faint light of his room. This wasn't an easy task, considering his eyesight still showed no signs of change.

His hand ached. No, that was a euphemism and a mild one too. It burned, it wailed in agony and screamed in pain and somehow it resisted the painkillers he was currently on. Immobilized in a traction splint, JD could feel every incision that was made in the morning, even though it was late evening now; could feel every single stitch tugging at his now oversensitive skin painfully. Even the cut on his hip hurt less, where they collected bone mass from his pelvis to graft the new bones for his mutilated hand. The steady waves of pain made him distracted and he couldn't focus on the x-ray even if his eyes were able to.

"So there is no pressure after all?" He rasped out, throat a bit sore after the hours of sedation he had been under that day. Doctor Thompson nodded as he filled one of the plastic cups with blissfully cold water and handed it to JD.

"No, your skull was subjected to heavy trauma and there are some fractures, but your eye nerves seem intact. I will ask one of our ophthalmologists to see you tomorrow; maybe he will be able to tell you more. If not, you might have to consider wearing glasses or lenses."

JD only nodded, putting the cup away and resting his head back on the pillows.

"Now, I've told you this before, but the surgery went fine." Thompson fished out few more x-rays from between his files and handed it to the young doctor. "It was a bit of a long shot to do so much in only one surgery, but thankfully, we managed to pull it off. One of the metacarpals needed only simple wire fixing, but two others had to be grafted. Three of the phalanges were completely smashed, so we transplanted those ones as well. Tendons didn't seem too be much of a problem." The older doctor looked pleased with himself. "The K wires that hold down the metacarpals will stay there for good, but the ones from the phalanges will have to be removed when the bones grow, so that would mean another surgery in about eight weeks. That one won't be as invasive as last one though."

JD flinched slightly when the message got through. Never in his whole life had he had more things wrong with his body then in this past week. Hand surgery, one or two more in the future, teeth reconstruction by the end of the week and maybe an eyesight surgery as well, if his ophthalmologist suggested it.

Thompson seemed to see his expression and for a moment he had to remind himself that the kid was a doctor, not just an average patient of Sacred Heart. He surely was aware of the risks and disadvantages of his current situation.

"Doctor Dorian, I won't lie to you." The older surgeon crossed his arms on his chest, for a brief moment reminding JD of Perry's favorite stance. "Your right hand is in really bad shape; even with physical therapy you might not be able to regain full control over its movement." He watched as JD's shoulders sagged a little but the man didn't protest. "However, if you stick to the therapy and if you do well in it, I believe you will recover enough capability to continue work."

JD frowned as he handed the x-rays back to the surgeon. 'Belief' was simply not good enough.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **The shattered shaft

**Chapter:** 4

**Fandom:** Scrubs

**Pairing:** Cox / JD

**Rating:** Chapter rating – T (NC-17 overall)

**Setting:** Post "_My lunch_" and "_My fallen idol_" but before Kim. Probably partially AU, since Cox/JD are in established relationship.

**Summary:** JD never really imagined what it would be to loose control over his body. Still, things change pretty drastically. Hurt / comfort theme.

**Author's notes:**

Research about medication was based mainly on Wikipedia, so excuse me if something is off.

JD's thoughts are written (_like this_).

----------------

**The shattered shaft**

**Chapter 4**

It's been a week since he woke up and JD was still in the same room in the same ward in the same bed and getting more and more impatient with every passing hour.

The dental surgery that followed the fixing of his hand went fine; it was a total count of four molars and premolars replaced with implants that would take a couple of months before they would become fully set, but at least his teeth looked more or less normal, even if his jaw still ached slightly.

His hand wasn't doing so well though. The amount of analgesics he was on _should_ be enough to keep the pain at bay, but somehow, it didn't. It was swelling now; making it hurt more under the solid mass of the traction splint. He had asked Thompson about this, but the older surgeon told him that swelling and sensation of tightness was completely normal, even if highly uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, that's exactly how he had put it, JD thought grimly. A few days with the feeling of knives constantly stabbing his hand would be enough for the other doctor to learn how to choose his words more wisely.

It was the middle of the night and he still couldn't sleep. The fatigue and tiredness of his body made him drowsy but the constant, throbbing pain kept him from dozing off. JD wondered briefly what time it was exactly, but found himself too tired to bother. A navy blue glasses case lay on the bedside cabinet, holding his new, rimless glasses inside. They were simple (really, he wanted to pick the pair of huge Windsor frames in bright orange that strangely reminded him of John Lennon's, but Perry said he would rather declare his undying love for Kelso then show himself in public with a Beatles-wannabe) but effective; rectangle lenses with anti-reflective coating and black temples, that, much to his satisfaction, made him look smarter and more professional.

His ophthalmologist confirmed the lack of abnormalities that caused his eyesight to blur. If there was any damage to the nerves it was not visible on the scans, including MRI, hence not really operable. The defect might go away after couple of months of wearing corrective lenses. Or it might not. Now JD knew how frustrated his patients felt when he said the same things. (_We might be able to help you, or we might just leave it as it is_. _Hospitals really do suck when you are a patient_.)

The soft sound of a door opening caught his attention and pulled him away from his thoughts. He could see a slightly smudged figure of Perry entering his room.

"Hey." This was the usual greeting JD got from his lover on these rare occasions that Doctor Cox actually went to his room. JD wanted to say something, but as he shifted on the sheets his fingers responded with a nasty wave of pain. He only hoped that the older doctor hasn't noticed the grimace that crossed his face for a moment.

"Jesus, kid." Perry groaned and grabbed his chart out of habit, flipping few pages. "Don't tell me they still haven't got you anything stronger then Tylenol?"

JD merely snorted; a gesture quite uncharacteristic of him, but right at the moment nothing about JD was normal, including the multiple surgeries.

The older man raised his eyes from the chart to glance at the other doctor. Even though he did not vocalize his discomfort, he knew Newbie and his reactions like the back of his hand. There were small signs of pain that he was going through; eyes either squeezed shut or unfocused, drops of sweat on his forehead, and tiny, almost latent twitching of the fingers in the splint. Perry took out his pen, scribbled something on the chart and then slowly hung it back to its place.

"I'll be right back." He only muttered to himself and exited the room, leaving JD confused about his weird behavior. But when he was back after few minutes with small plastic cup holding two white pills and a glass of water, JD felt himself melting a little on the inside with unexpected warmth.

"What is it?" He asked, but took the cup obediently, giving himself a second to examine the medicine but taking it without protest. If Perry ever wanted to poison him he wouldn't have to put much effort into it. He needed to drink them down quickly, as the two large pills almost stuck in his throat.

"Gabapentin." Came back a reply as Perry took his usual spot in the armchair, both hands pressing a little on his temples. The younger doctor looked at him with concern. Was his shift over by now, or did he just come to escape from pesky interns and overprotective nurses? "If you don't feel any difference after this one we should probably switch you onto morphine, although I don't like the idea. God knows you're acting like you're high on an everyday basis, we don't need to encourage you more."

"Har har." JD muttered, trying to elevate his splint on the pillows more comfortably, but only hissed at the failed attempt. Without his notice Doctor Cox was by his bedside, raising his arm by his elbow to prevent any excess pressure and fixed the pillows briefly, making them more firm and comfortable.

When he was done and tried to move away, JD's good hand grabbed his wrist. Perry looked at the hand for a moment, and then back at the kid, who hold his glare.

"Stay." JD muttered, his thumb rubbing at the rough skin of other doctor's hand in tiny circles. He was starting to feel a little drowsy and his right hand seemed to ache a little less with passing moments. The drug couldn't affect him that fast, but Perry's presence close to him was more then enough. "At least for a little while?"

There was a shadow of incomprehensible emotion or Perry's face as the comment took him by surprise, but it was gone before JD had a chance to read more into it. The older man slowly took a seat on the edge of the bed, his hand still kept in the tight grasp of JD's.

"They should probably release me in the next few days." Again, it was JD who kept talking to the silent man, but the he had learned a long time ago that the lack of an answer did not mean he was not listening. "I miss home."

"Hmm." A hummed reply was rewarded by JD's fingers slowly slipping through thick mass of Perry's hair. "I think you should stay at my place for a while. It's not like your flat is in best shape after what happened."

"I _will_ have to return to it sooner or later." JD's fingers now rested on the back of other's neck, gently kneading the warm skin there.

"Later." Perry brushed his fingers on the non-bruised cheek of the younger man and leaned in for a kiss. It was something they both missed and the first time it had actually happened since JD was admitted to Sacred Heart. First a gentle nuzzle on the cheek, slow breath warming the skin. Perry inhaled deeply, taking in the scent that could only be his lover, no one else. A uncanny mix of wild strawberry shampoo, toothpaste and something he couldn't quite grasp, something that was JD's only and something that greeted him in the mornings, along with the feeling of limbs tangled together and younger man's breath tingling his neck.

Then he brushed their lips together; one pair his own, warm but a bit rough, and JD's lips, for now chapped and dry after the prolonged stay in the hospital. He was a little afraid to slip his tongue in the warm cavern of JD's mouth, so soon after his surgery, but when JD opened his lips invitingly, he forgot about his worries. The other's hand still resting on his neck tugged him a little closer as Perry kissed his way into JD's heart, even though he knew he had been there for a long time now. A soft whimper escaped his Newbie, muffled by Perry's lips as the older man stroked his tongue along his, ever so slowly and lovingly; a trait that would seem uncharacteristic to anyone who didn't really know him.

JD sometimes wondered how many people actually got to see Doctor Cox's softer side. Carla, probably, since they had some kind of past together and the Latina nurse could see right through him. Ben and Jordan, obviously. And of course Jack. The little boy that got his entire unbound care and love without any strings attached.

JD gasped as Perry pulled back, his hand still holding him close in a loose grasp, but Perry didn't seem to want to move away. Eyes slowly closing, JD muttered something to himself; a gesture that normally would cause his lover to mock him about how easily he could erase any comprehensible thought from his mind. This time Perry chose to say nothing, his breath mingling with JD's as the kid slowly drifted off to sleep.

------

JD found it a little discouraging that his friends seemed to have no time for him, but he kept repeating to himself that they had their lives, jobs and maybe, just maybe, they had no idea how to cope with his new disability.

Carla was with him the most, her job making sure she visited him a couple times a day. While her presence had been a great help in the first two or three days he was awake, now he slowly started to get tired of the worried look she gave him every time. He often faked sleep when she was about to enter his room. It made him feel bad, avoiding her on purpose while he knew that it was just her personality, just Carla's way of being, to worry about everyone and mother them around, especially when her own child was about to soon enter this world.

Elliot wasn't much of a help either. She still was one of his best friends, he still enjoyed her endless rants about how Doctor Cox was making all of the nice interns miserable or about how she was disappointed with Keith when he refused to take part in her new sexual fantasy (really, who would react other way when the huge part of a said fantasy involved shaving cream, ice, handcuffs and a stunt gun?). It was encouraging how she could still make the world resolve around her.

Turk seemed to be constantly in motion; surgeries kept him busy and he ran errands for the baby stuff and Carla's crazy food cravings (_seriously, strawberry cake with spinach? Ewwwies!_). The rare times his Chocolate Bear had time to actually stay in his room for a while he usually spent stretched in the armchair and spontaneously dozing off.

Maybe it was better this way, if people stopped paying him that much attention. Gods knew he usually loved it; he practically lived to get as much of it as possible. But not now. Maybe it was best to pretend nothing serious happened.

JD looked on his side where Turk slept curled in his seat. The poor guy got three night shifts in a row; no one could deny he was tired. He switched his eyes back to the clip chart on his knees with some plain paper sheets and the pen he was holding in his left hand. He was skeptical about it from the beginning and glancing on the doodly lines he tried to write down did not help to get his hopes up. Putting the pen away a little too forcefully he did not realize the noise woke up his best friend. Not until the said man stopped snoring and looked at him sheepishly.

"Dude, what's up?" Turk muttered, wiping the sleep of his eyes and shifting in the armchair.

"Sorry, shouldn't have woken you up." Great, now he had to deal with the feeling of guilt as well. As if he needed it right now. "Try to get back to sleep?" He asked with hope.

"Nah, I've got to get running anyway." Turk glanced on his watch. "Whatcha up to?"

JD looked back at the papers angrily.

"Nothing much. Practicing writing my name with left hand." He showed him the chart clip and Turk took it to scan down the messy scribbling. "I can't say I'm very successful so far. Now I understand why you surgeons are so careful about your hands. I always took mine for granted." JD realized he was making his friend uneasy so he tried to shrug it off. "I can do this, Turk. I know I can. I can get one of the interns to fill the charts for me and just sign them off. I just have to learn how to do this with my other hand, until physical therapy shows any effect."

"I know, JD." The black man nodded and handed the papers back to him. "No one said it's going to be easy, but I know you can do this. I believe in you, Vanilla Bear."

"Thanks, Chocolate Bear. It means a lot."

It did, it really did. The silent support from Perry, Carla's mothering, Elliot cheering him up and Turk's faith. It really did matter. JD knew he could not do all of this on his own. No one faced months of recovery without having anyone to help them out and in the long shot, it was all worth it.

But when his friend left to prepare himself for another surgery, JD couldn't help but to stare down at the chart clip in his lap and feel the steady wave of frustration slowly washing over him. He grabbed the cursed item and flung it across the room, until it hit the wall with a sad '_thud_' and fell down, scattering the papers around. If it all mattered so much, then why he was so angry?

------

It was late evening before Turk was back, but JD was sound asleep, doped on the pills that helped him to settle down for a night. It was a little disturbing for the surgeon that his best friend could not fall asleep without help of medication, but at his current state it was probably the best course of action.

As he neared the nurse's station he leaned over the counter to plant a kiss on his wife's cheek, only to notice her pouting. He frowned, his mind doing a quick check-up on all of his actions that day, wondering if he was the one to cause it. It didn't seem like it.

"Baby, why the long face?"

Carla looked at him sadly and sighed.

"I spoke to Bambi's physical therapist some time ago."

Oh, so he hadn't screwed up after all. That was a relief.

"Doctor Sofia Flynn? Short haircut, long nose, often takes patients from our surgery ward?"

"That rings a bell."

"Bambi will have appointments with her on the therapy sessions once they take his splint off. Should be in about a month, but I'm already worried." The confused look he had right after that comment made her roll her eyes. "She also majored in psychology and said that the head trauma and stress JD was through can make him snap if he doesn't get a consult."

Turk glanced back at his friend's room, taking in the sleeping figure on the bed.

"When I talked to him earlier he seemed fine. Tired – who can blame him – but fine."

"That doesn't mean he's ok." Carla looked in the same direction sadly. "You know they are discharging him tomorrow afternoon?"

"Really?" His head snapped back to look at his wife and he smiled. This was first good news in a little while. "Wait, we haven't cleaned up his flat yet! That place is a mess!"

"Relax." The Latina woman placed her hand on Turk's arm. "He's staying at Doctor Cox's for now. It's not a good idea to leave him alone anyway." Seeing his shoulder slump a bit she knew he already thought JD would be staying with them for some time. But with the baby coming up they really had no place. "He'll be fine; he practically lives with him anyway."

'_That is right_' Turk tried to convince himself. '_Vanilla Bear is going to be okay. He will be just fine._'

Something deep inside of him roared with sarcastic laughter.

------

There were little things in his current state that made him frustrated. Not being able to write down his own name was the main factor; JD found it sad that even elementary school kids had the skills to do it, while he was supposed to learn them all over again.

There were also other issues; the fact that his left hand was less coordinated when it came to grabbing things was apparent when he tried to brush his teeth (carefully avoiding the place of dental surgery for couple of days) or right about now, when he was desperately trying to button up his shirt.

They were finally releasing him; thank heavens, as he started to have enough of the same hospital room. Perry had come in only for a few minutes today to hand him a bag with clean clothes before he disappeared in the ICU corridors again. His angry yells at the interns were well heard and JD smiled to himself, finding it somewhat reassuring. During his stay in the hospital JD wondered briefly if that excess racket the older attending caused on daily basis was done on purpose, to let him know that he was there, lurking around. That certainly was a possibility.

There were few more tests he had to take that morning, including the x-ray. They had to take the splint off for it and god, it _hurt_, but he let out only few whimpers. Everything on the x-ray looked fine; bones have not shifted and wires were still in place, which was good, really good. His recovery would be hell if he had to go through another surgery to fix the mistakes that could have happened during the first operation.

But right now, as he was waiting for Perry to finish his shift- only half an hour left, thankfully – he tried to dress himself on his own. Boxers and pants didn't provide much work and JD was pleased to see that Perry had brought him his sneakers that didn't require tying the shoelaces. The shirt, however, had few buttons that needed to be done and that was the current source of his frustration as he stand in the room's bathroom and glared at his clothing.

When the door was opened JD's head snapped around only to see Elliot standing in the door, as if surprised he was still here.

"Hey, looking good in those glasses, you know?" The blonde woman smiled at him genuinely as she took in the new feature of her friend.

"Thanks." He replied, turning back to the small bathroom mirror and once again tried to do the buttons. Elliot looked at him with concern.

"You need help with that?"

"No." The answer came out a little harsher then he planned and a pang of guilt hit him in the gut at the sight of her hurt expression. "No, really." His voice was softer now. "I can do it, Elliot."

It took him a minute to do one of the buttons, but another one proved to be more difficult for the less skilled fingers. JD looked down at the sink, sighing in resignation. Elliot simply smiled as she closed the distance between them and reached for his collar, fixing the buttons.

"JD, you know you can ask us for help, right? No one would look down on you for doing that."

"I know." He sighed again as her fingers brushed against the sensitive skin of his neck. "I just don't want people to do everything for me. I'm not crippled for life, just for few months."

"You are not crippled." She wrinkled her nose as she stepped away from him a bit, all buttons done. "I just don't like that word. Reminds me of the cheap TV shows that everyone around watches every day."

"Then what's the better word, 'disabled'?" JD smirked, but it was a rather sad gesture from his side and Elliot pouted yet again but she chose not to press it. There was a hint of anger underneath all of his behavior and she knew he really didn't need to stress himself out too much.

"Your bruises have gone down almost completely. What about your ribs?"

"Better." He was glad for the change of subject, he really was. "Healing, but still sore. At least my jaw doesn't hurt anymore."

"What medications did they proscribe for you at home? I heard from Carla you got three weeks of medical leave." Three weeks were not enough for his hand to recover, but should be enough for him to deal with his emotions. At least Elliot hoped so.

"Doctor Cox talked to Doctor Thompson and they both agreed to Gabapentin. I might have to take it later too, once physical therapy starts."

She only nodded in understanding. They chat for few more minutes before Elliot's pager had gone off and she had to go to do her rounds.

JD waited till she was gone then looked back in the mirror, examining his face. The bruising had gone down a lot, but there were still some signs of the attack. The black stitches on his temple, running down under the line of his hair (JD really regretted they had to shave small patch of his hair to apply the stitches, but thankfully, it was easy to hide), a little stiffness in his jaw that would disappear in few days and of course, the constant, throbbing pain in his right hand.

With a heavy sigh he leaned forward, pressing his forehead to the cool surface of the mirror, a silent chant already forming in his thoughts. (_You can do it, Dorian. You can do it, you can leave now, everything is going well_.)

'_I can help you if you want to_' He said to him that day, hoping to reach to him through the haze of drugs. How foolish he could be, really? '_Take everything you want_.'

(_Even my health, my life, my faith_.)

"Newbie?"

A strong voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he glanced at the door, slowly moving away from the mirror. Perry stood there, already changed in his casual clothes, hands in the pockets of his jeans and a slightly disturbed look of concern on his face.

"You ready to go?" The older man asked and JD was really glad he had not questioned him about the thoughts that were now going through his mind. He wasn't even sure he understood them himself and explaining it to others right now would be an impossible task.

"Yeah, I'm good."

He really hoped he wasn't just fooling himself.

----------------

**_A/N: Gabapentin seemed to be the best analgesic__ choice. It relives pain (especially naturopathic, like in this case), it's used as chronic-pain medication and also acts as anti-depressant. Its side effects are rare and not dangerous and there is little possibility to become addicted to it._**


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **The shattered shaft

**Chapter:** 5

**Fandom:** Scrubs

**Pairing:** Cox / JD

**Rating:** Chapter rating – NC-17 (NC-17 overall)

**Setting:** Post "_My lunch_" and "_My fallen idol_" but before Kim. Probably partially AU, since Cox/JD are in established relationship.

**Summary:** JD never really imagined what it would be to loose control over his body. Still, things change pretty drastically. Hurt / comfort theme.

**Author's notes:** Sorry this chapter took me so long. Usually I don't have many problems with writing smut but somehow, this particular one fought me hard. Rating is also for anatomical details that some might find repulsing.  
Also, I'm writing this after returning from cinema – anyone seen "_Wild hogs_"? McGinley had only two scenes there but gods, I laughed so hard I could barely breathe. I hope that nice piece of ass he showed was really his ;)  
I am disappearing after Saturday for about a week. New Potter is coming up, so yeah.

----------------

**The shattered shaft**

**Chapter 5  
**

The keys rattled briefly as Perry struggled to open the door, desperately trying to rearrange his grip on the brown paper bags with the groceries he had just bought a couple of minutes ago. It was truly a blessing that the shop just around the corner was still open this late in the evening, but right now Perry was cursing all seven rings of hell while he tried not to loose his balance. The task was finally done and Doctor Cox let out a pleased grunt as he closed the door behind him and nearly ran to his kitchen counter before the bags of food toppled over.

Really, it was usually the kid who did the shopping when he was over at his place, but right after they came back from the hospital, JD announced tiredly that he needed a shower. Perry figured he would be hungry later on, but right then, his refrigerator was a pitiful sight. He had rarely been at home for the last week at all, much less had a real dinner. Hence the trip to the store and buying all of that healthy (and gross) food that Newbie seemed to like a bit too much for his own taste.

He considered asking him if he needed help in the shower, but then decided otherwise. The kid was quite capable doing it on his own, having a plastic bag and a few pieces of duct tape to protect his splint.

Perry huffed in annoyance as he glared at the amount of food he still needed to unpack. Tossing his wallet and cell phone on the counter as well he ventured to the bedroom, to see if Newbie was still occupying the bathroom.

Much to his surprise, JD was already lying on bed, on top of the covers and fast asleep. The older man stood in the doorway for a bit, observing the steady movement of his chest as he breathed in and out wearing the awkwardly peaceful expression he hadn't seen for the last week ever since he was brought to the hospital. It was also first time in last couple of days that JD had fallen asleep on his own, without help of medications. That simple fact made Perry smile a bit, but then his smile slowly disappeared as his eyes fell on the pillows that JD used to elevate his hand. The white splint looked out of place, something that didn't suit the usually chirpy kid at all. It made him look weaker and sick – something Perry didn't like to see when related to people he cared about.

He turned off the lights and came closer to the bed to fix the covers. Without moving JD it seemed impossible to cover him up properly and Doctor Cox didn't really want to risk waking him up, not when he was finally getting a healthy sleep. So he opted for a blanket instead and tucked JD in as well as he could without touching him too much. He wanted to brush his hand at the dark hair of the other man, finally truly soft when free of the impossible amount of hair product, but after short battle with himself he decided not to.

His cell phone in the kitchen rang loudly and Perry rushed out of the room, cursing in his mind. Closing the bedroom door as silently as he could he grabbed the device and pressed the acceptance button.

"I swear to god, Carla, this is getting out of hand. First Barbie, then Gandhi and now you?" He growled into the phone as the familiar voice on the other side of the line greeted him. Snapping his refrigerator open he started to rummage through the paper bags, pulling the food out. "Newbie is out of your sight for only few hours and all of you are already hunting him down."

He vaguely listened to Carla's answer on the other side as he grabbed the nearest item and looked at it quizzically. Beansprouts. Only Newbie could eat stuff like that. He frowned and put them away on the shelf, as far away as he could reach.

"No, he's fine." He replied to the nurse's question as she came to end of her rant. "All of you should stop acting like he's in danger here. You make me seem like I want to finish off the kid myself." He winced at the outraged yell from the other side of the line and the string of Spanish words that even an idiot would recognize as cursing. "Stop yelling, I know it's a bad joke."

He put away the few bottles of beer.

"What?" He stopped in mid-action, frowning even more. "No, you are not coming over tomorrow; I told you he is fine! He's sleeping right now and for once without help of the little white pills." He listened to the silence for a moment, knowing he had managed to calm her down. "He's alright, Carla. Tired and hurt, but he will be fine. And if any of you three musketeers will come to my place tomorrow I _am_ getting a restraining order, clear?"

The soft laugh on the other side made his frown disappear and then came another question from the Latina nurse.

"Yeah, yeah, you know I will. Hanging up now, 'mkay?" Without wasting time to wait for her answer he cancelled the call and put away his phone once again. Really, couldn't those people leave Newbie alone even for a second?

------

Perry was halfway through the medical journal and the article about DNA-based injections in oncology when JD stirred in his sleep. Raising his eyes from the paragraph he was currently on he met the sleepy, tired gaze of the younger man. JD was still buried under the heavy blanket on his side of the bed, while Doctor Cox stretched comfortably on his own side.

"How long was I out?" JD asked in a whisper, blinking hard few times in an attempt to wake himself up. Hair fell in his eyes and he nearly growled in annoyance at the distressed state of his hairstyle.

"A couple of hours." Doctor Cox abandoned the oncology report and flipped a few pages of the journal. "Which is good, probably. First time in a while I've seen you out without help of drugs."

"I didn't even plan to fall asleep. Just sort of happened." JD scowled as he shifted his injured hand on the pillows and scooted closer to his lover, resting his head on his arm. Perry said nothing but he did not move away, silently allowing the other man to cuddle up to him.

It took him a couple of minutes to finish the next article, during which he listened to the JD's slow breathing, taking in the comfortable weight warming his side. The kid seemed to be falling asleep all over again but somehow Perry could tell he was wide awake and waiting. Finally tossing the magazine to the cabinet next to his bed he looked back at the man by his side, who looked quite lost in thoughts, probably daydreaming. Or at least Perry hoped it was daydreaming. It was rather spontaneous of him to wind one arm around JD's waist but he did so anyway. His fingers somehow found their way under the younger man's sleeping t-shirt, simply resting against the warm skin. JD snapped back to reality in an instant, looking over to Perry and smiling weakly.

"Tired?" Doctor Cox asked, but JD only shook his head as he leaned in and closed the distance between them with a kiss.

It started slow, as always. The familiar pressure against his body as JD scooted even closer; the kid was such a glutton for comfort, really. A gentle nip on the lips caused Perry to open his mouth to him, silently allowing the other man to ravage his mouth. The hand he still kept on Newbie's back moved, caressing the skin back and forth in attempt to take in as much of the lovely sensations as possible. Perry breathed slowly in between the kisses, the pleasurable feeling of laziness slowly taking over his body. There was something about kissing JD that made Doctor Cox calm down; all the possible anger, insults and snarky comments he usually had for the man as well as other 'virtues' of his charming personality seemed to disappear. He entwined the fingers of his free hand in the silky black hair as he allowed Newbie to nip at his lower lip for couple of moments before finally breaking the kiss and nuzzling the soft, scented neck of the younger man. He could smell the rich aroma of the blackberry shower gel he liked to use and Perry couldn't help but to grin as it filled his senses while he bit gently on the skin. He could hear JD's breath hitch a little as he did so and the simple fact pleased him.

With JD nearly sprawled on his own body, his hand had easy access to the waistband of JD's sleeping shorts and he intended to use that to his advantage. His fingers traced patterns on the skin at the small of his back for some time, then slipped under the elastic and just rested there, teasing the other man. JD whined in annoyance and this time Doctor Cox did chuckle out loud, earning himself a disapproving glare from the younger man.

"Damn tease." JD huffed, his good hand slowly rubbing at the side of his lover's chest.

"Ah, but it's been a while, wasn't it?" Perry answered smartly, his hand finally moving and firmly cupping the cheek of JD's ass. "What about your ribs?"

"What ribs?"

Perry chuckled again, his other hand slipping under the waistband of shorts as well as he kissed JD again, feeling the other man respond to him eagerly. It seemed that they were both desperate for the touch that they had been deprived of for the last week.

Mindful of the still hurting hand, Perry slowly flipped them over until their roles reversed and it was JD who was now pined under him. As soon as the other man got comfortable and settled his hand on the pillow Doctor Cox attacked his mouth again. JD's good hand ran through the thick curls of his hair, resting on the back of his neck, pulling in closer, like he could not get enough of the contact. When his mouth moved over to suck on his neck, just below his ear, JD couldn't help but to whimper. During all that time they had been together Perry had memorized all the spots that made him squirm and moan and he was using the knowledge well.

Perry removed the younger man's t-shirt, both taking extra care to move it over the splint and not pull on the injured fingers. Bending to kiss down his throat and later on to nuzzle down his chest, the older man ran his hand over his lover's ribcage. JD was too thin; a week of strict hospital diet could do that to you and Perry frowned slightly at the ribs that stood out too much and slightly purple tint to his skin at few places where remains of bruises still lingered. Moving over to lick at one nipple he made JD gasped in surprise and his hand moved from Perry's thick hair to grab on his bicep in attempt to still himself.

"Not fair" JD gasped out at the particularly strong lick and yanked on Perry's shirt. "Take that off."

Doctor Cox said nothing as he moved lower, placing small kisses along the line of his abdomen, taking in a second to dip his tongue in the shapely navel then smiled wickedly as he tugged JD's shorts down.

The very first time they had been together JD was amazed that Perry's behavior in bed was not really fitting the image he already had for him. He had always thought that just as he was this fearful Doctor Cox in work then he probably kept the same manners in private life. Part of this was true; Perry still could be an exceptional asshole when he wasn't in right mood, often leaving JD confused about nature of their relationship. But if he had any doubts, the next night would always make them disappear. Something inside JD squeed in joy every time Perry gave him this special, warm look. His kisses were needy and demanding but given out in surprisingly gentle manner. Time he spent caressing all of the tender spots on his body was well paid, leaving JD positively breathless.

Still, Doctor Cox wasn't the only one surprising his newfound lover in bed. It had always seemed to him that JD would be vocal during sex. Hell, he even once heard Elliot and the others talking something about him yelling stupid things during the climax. He had no idea what to really expect when he took Newbie to his bed. Much to his surprise, JD _was_ loud but not in the obnoxious, blunt way. Quite the opposite, all of the moans that left his mouth, the soft whimpers, gasps and shuddering of his body... all of this left Doctor Cox craving to hear and experience more of it.

When he tugged the shorts off and slowly licked down the length of JD's cock the younger man shivered and let out a tiny moan, steadying himself for what was about to come soon enough.

And there it was, the comforting warmth wrapped tightly around him, lips enclosing around the hard shaft and JD nearly lost it when his lover hummed lightly, pleased by his reaction. Fingers of one hand were closed around the base of his erection to keep him from coming too fast, while the other rested in the thick thatch of black curls. Teasing the other man would probably be too cruel after their separation, but Perry couldn't really help himself from doing it at least a little. Running his tongue under the crown and down the vein earned him a desperate sob that finally pushed past JD's lips.

This encounter wasn't about to last long and they both knew it, so Perry put the teasing aside and simply bobbed his head up and down, slowly, keeping a steady rhythm but paired up with firm suction. He could vaguely hear JD mumbling something to himself, but it was just the gibberish he sometimes let out when loosing control. Perry would have smiled if his mouth wasn't currently occupied, so instead he opted for running his hand over the tight abdomen, contracting lightly as JD struggled to keep himself from coming. He let the hard erection to slip out from his mouth, kissing the crown one last time. Looking over to JD he took his time to stare at the younger man, lips open, eyes dark and damn, he looked absolutely fuckable.

Discarding his clothes rather quickly Perry finally settled, sitting down on the bed and pulling the younger man to his lap. JD didn't waste much time and attacked his lips again, warm tongue wrestling with his own, even as he used his good hand to reach out blindly and search through the drawer of the bed table, before grunting in satisfaction as he hit his target.

"Impatient, aren't we?" Perry muttered against his mouth teasingly and JD merely grinned, handing him the small foil package and lube. Normally JD he would take his sweet time to tease Doctor Cox back and roll the condom on him himself, but he wasn't really sure he was capable of doing so with his less coordinated hand. The thought bothered him for a moment, before the soft touch of hand sliding down his ass made him forget about his problems. Perry licked down the length of his collarbone, moving to Adam's apple and then resting against the warm neck as his slicked fingers reached down and finally slipped them into the younger man. JD winced at the intrusion of two fingers at once but didn't really complain, finding comfort in the small nips and kisses Doctor Cox was planting on his jaw and behind his ear.

"It's been too long." JD breathed down heavily, winding both arms around Perry's neck, making sure to keep his right arm straightened out. The fingers inside him stretched and caressed and _god_, it was too much for someone who had been deprived of such pleasure for more then a week.

"I know." Perry whispered back to him, fingers leaving his body for a brief moment only to return a moment later with third one, coated generously in lube, to make him writhe and moan again. "Patience, my young Padawan. You're sore enough as it is, no need to make it worse."

JD would have smirked at the Star Wars reference but he found himself unable to, too busy savoring all of the delicious sensations the older doctor was waking in him. It took another couple of minutes before Doctor Cox decided it was enough and soon JD found himself holding his breath in anticipation as his lover rolled on the condom and slicked himself some more, before guiding himself into his younger lover.

JD was still straddling the other's lap and soon enough he was sinking slowly on the awaiting cock, willing away the slight burning sensation and focusing on the intense, sweet feeling of being stretched. He could hear Perry's groan but the man refused to thrust up and bury himself completely into the willing body above him. Instead he allowed JD to set the pace, something that made the younger man smile. As he rested his full weight on Perry's thighs and took him in as deep as he could, JD leaned into another kiss. It was a gentle caress of lips and tongue and JD could feel one of Perry's hands winding around his waist, the other resting on his neck and pulling him closer.

Then he moved, slowly at first, the firm pressure of Perry's hand around him helping his movements, until they rocked together in lazy rhythm. JD moaned again at the feeling of closeness that washed over him; their mouths still locked together, chests pressing against each other and JD's painfully hard cock trapped between them, rubbing against Perry's firm abs. It was _perfect_.

Doctor Cox growled something in a low voice, the kiss finally breaking when their lungs demanded air. He still kept his hand clasped around Newbie's neck so their faces were close, foreheads touching as JD moved above him, each of the thrusts rewarded with delicious feeling of tightness and burning warmth that he slowly became addicted to. JD whimpered, eyes closing shut for a second as he shivered; Perry could tell from the way he constricted around him that he had brushed against his prostate, sending a wave of pleasure up his spine. Mindful of the sore ribs, Perry brought them a little closer together, almost feeling JD's heartbeat as his heart thumped wildly in his chest. Then he reached down, fingers wrapping around Newbie's cock, stroking it as they moved. The soft panting against his mouth and nervous twitching of the hips told him without words that JD was close, his movements begging for more. Perry's fingers teased him for a moment longer, then closed firmly against the sensitive shaft and jerked hard a few times, triggering the younger man's orgasm.

JD nearly screamed when he found his release so suddenly, his good arm tightening around Perry as he buried his face in the crook of older man's neck. He could swear he stopped breathing for a moment as the aftershocks shook his frame and he kept on moaning softly, riding the remains of his orgasm. Doctor Cox slowed down, but never stopped thrusting into him. JD was a little oversensitive right then, almost to the point of hurting, but he smiled tiredly as he kissed up Perry's neck, shifting his hips a bit faster, to help his lover finish. He knew he succeeded when the other man inhaled sharply and let out a loud groan, hips thrusting up a few more times as he emptied himself and then stilled, with JD still locked tightly in his embrace.

"Oh god, I missed this." JD gasped out as he rested his head on Perry's arm and waited for his breath to calm down. Perry's hand was tracing small patterns on the small of his back and he only grunted something in response, head moving to nuzzle against younger man's cheek and plant few soft kisses there, along the side of his face and even over the black stitches on his temple. He could feel himself slipping out of the relaxed body above his and nearly hissed at the sudden feeling of cold.

Leaning back to lay down on the bed he brought JD with him, slowly, to give him time to adjust his right hand and support it on the pillows on the other side of Perry's face. He discarded the condom to waste basket by his bed he reached for the blankets to cover them up. JD shifted a bit to kiss him again, then rest his head on Doctor Cox's shoulders, for the second time that night sleep taking him over almost instantly.

------

When Perry awoke later that night with quite annoying need to use a bathroom he was surprised to find the bed empty. The spot where JD should be lying was cold, which meant he had been gone for quite some time. Doctor Cox frowned, trying to will away the remains of his sleep, wondering what the hell was going on.

He raised himself from bed, switching the light on and grabbing his boxers along the way. Still half asleep he nearly tripped over when pulling them on and only jumping comically on one foot prevented him from hitting the floor face first. Growling in annoyance he glanced towards the living room and kitchen, finding them empty and dark. There was no light under the bathroom door either, so where the hell was Newbie? Frowning, he decided to take a leak first and then worry, otherwise later on things might get messy.

As he opened the bathroom door and flipped the light switch on, a pained yelp surprised him.

"Turn that off!"

He automatically did, even before he realized what he was doing. Darkness flooded the room again, only faintly lit by the bed lamp in the bedroom. In the corner he could see JD's form slumped on the floor, resting his arm on the toilet seat and looking positively sick.

"The hell?" Perry muttered, frown still in place as he padded barefoot across the bathroom, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. Casting a glance over JD's body he realized that the kid was clad only in his sleeping shorts and currently resting on the cold floor tiles, which probably wasn't good for him.

JD did not reply as another wave of nausea hit him and he turned his head away, retching into the toilet. It would be better if he had actually eaten something before but it was too late now, his empty stomach causing him to vomit only spit and bile. It took him a couple of minutes to calm the spasm down enough to lean his head on his left arm again, trying to curl more into himself.

"Nausea and light sensitivity. What else?" The doctor in Perry took over as he touched JD's forehead briefly, before the younger man shook him off. "Fever as well. What am I missing?"

"Killer headache." JD mumbled, his words little disfigured as he kept his face hidden in the crook of his elbow. "It's a leftover from concussion, I know. I'm a doctor myself, as I recall."

"Bitchy as well. Should I add growing a pair as a symptom?"

He only got a groan in return and he gave up, simply sitting there in the dark and silence, waiting for the tremors that shook JD's body to calm down.

"How is your hand?" Perry finally asked, resting his hand on the back of younger doctor's neck after another unsuccessful attempt to throw up. This time JD did not shake his hand off, apparently finding some kind of comfort in it.

"No change. Hurts." JD laughed weakly, sounding a bit hysteric. "I think I am starting to get used to pain. Too bad it's a hand, not my leg. I could use a cane then like House."

Perry scowled.

"You've been watching too much television lately, Samantha."

But JD did not retort, only shook his head silently and then went still, breathing heavily against the cool ceramic.

"I just wish for one day without something being wrong with me." He finally peeled himself away from the toilet and leaned against the wall opposite to it, cold tiles bringing comfort to his heated skin. "One day when nothing hurts, just for a change."

Perry had no answer for that. He rubbed a hand over his tired face and then shook his head as well. JD had not expected him to solve his problem but his shoulders slumped a bit either way. When the older doctor ran his fingers through the mass of his black hair JD leaned into the touch, slowly scooting closer until he could rest his head against Perry's lower thigh.

This was going to be harder then he thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **The shattered shaft

**Chapter:** 6

**Fandom:** Scrubs

**Pairing:** Cox / JD

**Rating:** Chapter rating – PG-13 (NC-17 overall)

**Setting:** Post "_My lunch_" and "_My fallen idol_" but before Kim. Probably partially AU, since Cox/JD are in established relationship.

**Summary:** JD never really imagined what it would be to loose control over his body. Still, things change pretty drastically. Hurt / comfort theme.

**Author's notes:** Wow, it's been quite long time since the last chapter But now that my summer exams are over (damn dendrology, learning characteristics of 400 species of trees and bushes by heart can make your brain overheat) and I still have about month of holidays left I managed to complete another chapter.

The inner angst whore in me is happy with this part. I had this particular scenes planned since the beginning, I just needed to put them in words.

Chapter dedicated to kipli.

----------------

**The shattered shaft**

**Chapter 6**

Over the next few days JD found his mornings to be a pleasant routine. He would wake up early – a habit he acquired after years of working in the hospital – limbs still neatly tangled with Perry's as the older man snored lightly into his hair. After a quick shower, brushing his teeth (doing it ever-so-carefully, mindful of his implants) and making sure his hair was absolutely nothing less then perfect, he would dress up and silently leave the apartment, taking a stroll to nearby store, to get fresh baguettes and coffee.

JD, much to his own surprise, wasn't really afraid to go out and interact with people. He vaguely remembered Carla and Elliot talking about that possibility, but really, he was not that type of person to crawl into some dark corner and shut people out. There were, of course, a few times when he nearly jumped out of his skin when someone bumped him on the shoulder too hard, or when he saw neighborhood kids running down the street with baseball gear; the mere thought of even looking at the bat made him freeze up, cold sweat breaking. Yet, overall he was doing better then he thought he would, for which the young doctor gave himself a mental pat on the back. A piece of chocolate brownie as a reward once he got home wouldn't hurt as well.

It still frustrated him a bit though; the looks people gave him upon seeing his bruises and his hand. The fact that he was absolutely bored for a whole day did not help. It was still the first week of his medical leave and he was already craving something to do. When Perry was out in Sacred Heart he tried to occupy himself as much as possible, using the free time to catch up with his lagging paperwork, medical journals and read through thick volumes about intensive care and internal diseases; anything was fine, as long as it kept him from boredom.

JD hummed to himself as he walked back to the apartment, paper bag with fresh bread in his good hand. When a low tune of the theme song from "Gilligan's Island" came to his ears at first he didn't react. Only the soft buzzing on the vibrating device finally told him it was his own phone. It was still a little too early for him to get used to the new phone. His old cell wasn't completely broken, not beyond the point of repair but JD strictly declared he couldn't look at the phone anymore. The costs of buying a new cell strained his budget a bit, but the relief of getting rid of the device that nearly cost him the loss of his fingers was worth it.

Setting the paper bag on the windowsill of the nearest store he dug into his pocket to fish out new, dark green cell phone (Turk said the color was a nice contrast to his eyes, so he simply had to get it) and flipped the lid open with his thumb.

"Hello?"

"Doctor Dorian?"

"Umm... yes?" JD frowned a bit as he gathered the grocery bag back into his arms and proceeded to walk down the sidewalk.

"This is Officer Brian Ballatyne from seventh police station. We've been trying to reach you for last couple of days but it seems that the number was unavailable."

JD's breath hitched. They were looking for him? Thank gods that he had kept his old number then.

"I was wondering if you could come down to the station sometime this afternoon. We have completed gathering files of the potential suspects from your case and we would like to see if you recognize anyone."

JD stopped dead in his tracks as his head swirled slightly. Today? He wasn't ready for this, not when Perry was off for the whole day, not like this, not--

He nearly yelped in surprise as a kid on skateboard rode past him way too fast for his own liking, brushing his shoulder in process. The paper bag fell from his grip but thankfully, he managed to keep the coffee up so it didn't spill.

"Doctor Dorian?" The worried voice of the officer on the other side of the line forced him to compose himself. "Are you alright?"

"No—I mean yes, yes, I'm here. No, I don't think I will be able to come today, I have no one who could give me a ride and I still can't drive my scooter."

The policeman wisely chose to ignore the scooter comment.

"Then do you think it's possible I could drop by and just show you the photos? It would really help us a great deal."

JD gathered the bag from the ground, blinking hard few times while trying to organize his thoughts.

"I suppose. I am not staying at my own place though, so I should probably give you my current address."

Why in the world he said yes? Perry will kill him when he learned he had allowed this particular policeman into his house.

------

With the time of the visit in the afternoon was coming closer, JD found himself quite uneasy. Glancing at the kitchen clock every few minutes, he picked up some small tasks to keep him occupied. Most of them were meaningless, but kept his mind off the case for at least a short while. Pretty soon most of the things in kitchen were either rearranged or so clean you could see your own reflection. The food in the fridge was sorted to its appropriate shelves. Utensils were as good as new. He even rearranged all the spices in alphabetical order, just for the hell of it.

Then a doorbell rang, and JD jumped in surprise, even though he had been waiting for that sound for the last hour or so.

"Doctor Dorian." Officer Ballatyne nodded his head in acknowledgement and waited patiently until JD undid the lock chain and let him in.

"We've been trying to reach you for some time now. You haven't informed anyone about your change of address."

"I didn't know I had to." JD looked a bit puzzled. "I do?"

"I'm afraid so." The cop took off his shades and fixed his grip on the files he had safely located under his arm. "I appreciate your effort in checking these photos today, as it will help us to move on."

(_He's repeating himself. Doesn't he have anything else to say then this?_)

"Can I offer you something to drink? We'll be more comfortable in the kitchen anyways." JD didn't really wait for the answer, turning around and leading the way.

"Coffee would be good, thank you."

He busied himself with work, at the same time hearing as the officer took his seat by the kitchen counter and started to spread out some files and photographs.

His hand ached. The pain was always there, of course, but ever since the morning it was more... _intense_. There wasn't really a better word for it. JD could feel the difference in the degrees of pain quite clearly and this... this definitely wasn't the normal reaction of his healing hand. He did the coffee a little bit clumsily, but each day he was better at using his left hand, even if it took ages to get something done. But now he couldn't focus, not with the painful throbbing in his fingers. Ha passed the coffee cup to the policeman, who thanked with a nod of his head and then grabbed the pills bottle from the counter. Officer Ballatyne was eyeing him carefully but wisely chose not to say anything when JD took two pills and drank it down with mineral water. He certainly had enough of coffee for that day.

"There aren't many pictures, unfortunately." Ballatyne spoke up when JD took a seat opposite to him. "These are the photos of the people living in few miles radius of the crime scene, who had been arrested before for acts of violence and drug use. I would like you to look at each picture carefully and try to remember if you have seen any of these men before or near your flat."

JD couldn't agree there were only few photos, but rather dozens of them, but he said nothing. Minutes passed in silence, only occasionally broken by either of them shifting in their seats or officer Ballatyne taking a gulp of his coffee.

(_Because I make godly coffee and nobody can't resist it, hah!_)

A lot of the people looked the same. The guy marked as suspect 19 had a funny mustache. JD was sure he had described his attacker quite well to the police all those days ago in the hospital, so why they insisted on showing him people who were so off from the description?

He slowly sorted all the photos out, and none of the men resembled his guy. Usually JD wasn't very good at remembering people's faces... but his... his he could never forget.

"He's not here." JD flipped the last picture, glad it was finally over.

(_Shouldn't gabapentin work by now?_)

He massaged his arm just above the splint, hoping it would help in minimizing the pain.

"Are you sure? We can go through the pictures once more to get more clarity."

"No. I'm sure he's not there. It's not like I can forget his face."

Ballatyne gathered the files, but still haven't given up completely.

"No one even resembling him at all? Because sometimes trauma patients can't remember details until they see them directly."

JD looked at the policeman like he had suddenly grown two heads.

"I know, sir. I am a doctor, remember?"

"Right."

This was leading them nowhere and JD's patience, however great before the whole affair, was getting shorter with each day spent outside the work. The sharp stinging in his fingers didn't help either. He took gabapentin more than half hour ago...

(_Why isn't it working?_)

"Well then, I believe that will be all for now." Ballatyne closed his files. "Should I notify the central that you have changed your address? In case we need to contact once more?"

That question took JD by surprise.

"I-- no. I don't know. Officially I am still living in my own apartment, but I will be staying here for some time. I don't really know for how long."

"I understand." The cop replied as JD was walking him back to door. "It surely isn't easy to get back to the place where you were attacked."

"Yeah."

(_You know nothing._)

"Well, good day to you doctor Dorian, and thank you for your help. We are trying our best to find the one who did it."

JD chose not to reply, but simply nodded. 'Trying' was not good enough for him. He waited for few moments by the door until the steps of Ballatyne went dead, then closed the door and finally let out a pained hiss as he clutched at his right arm.

Leading on the doorframe he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to wait out the wave of pain, but as soon as it was gone another one took its place. His mouth had suddenly went dry, so stumbling a little over his own steps he made his way to the kitchen and latched himself onto the bottle of orange juice greedily.

He needed to lie down and the faster it happened the better. Gathering the nearly empty coffee cup from the counter he tried to put it away in the sink but then another spasm shook him and his grip slipped. The cup shattered noisily all over the wooden panels of the kitchen floor, shards scattering all over the place. Cursing himself for his clumsiness (it was one of his favorite cups as well) he picked up the bigger pieces with his left hand - fortunately not cutting himself - and then carefully made his way out of the kitchen. He could clean the mess up later, after the pain was gone.

(_If it goes away any time soon. It feels even worse then that time when Janitor flung me out of the window on the cactus patch below.)_

Maybe staying still wasn't the best idea, because then he could focus on the pain even more, but JD soon found out that his legs nearly gave up upon his weight, so with a pained sigh he dropped down on top of the covers, praying for the gabapentin to finally kick in.

------

It didn't happen very often, but there were times when even doctor Perry Cox had to admit that a day at work wasn't the end of the world. Today no patients died on him, interns seemed to behave and he didn't have a chance to see Bobbo and to get annoyed by the chief of medicine. Life, overall, was better then usually, so when he left the hospital after his duty he didn't have this nasty scowl written all over his face.

When he sunk into the comfortable seat of his Porsche, Perry even turned up the radio volume, listening to some rock band as he drove home. He was tired, yes, but it wasn't anything new. The perspective of getting home and lounging in his sofa for the rest of the evening was tempting. Hell, if Newbie behaved he might even let the other man pick what they watched, even if it ended up being another Gilmore Girls marathon. Jordan was supposed to drop Jack off with them tomorrow, since he was not working and that thought made him smile a little.

Gods, since when had his idea of a perfect evening turned from scotch, football and piece of nice ass to babies and soap operas? True, he still had nice piece of ass all to himself, but the rest just didn't mix with the old Perry Cox.

But, quite frankly, he didn't give a shit what old Perry would think of his new self.

Staying in the good mood, he managed not to snarl at one of his nosy neighbors as he passed her on the corridor. He would just get her double hard next time to even this one out.

He closed his door behind him quietly, at the same time looking around for a familiar figure. JD was neither in living room nor kitchen, so after taking off his shoes near the door he crossed the distance to the bedroom and took a peek inside.

JD seemed to be sleeping, left arm over his eyes as if to cut of the light and his right hand resting on the pillow beside him. He was just about to leave and close the door behind him when the younger man's voice stopped him.

"Watch your step in the kitchen. I didn't have chance to clean up and there's glass all over the floor."

JD's voice seemed strained, as if speaking required a lot of energy he didn't really have. Perry frowned when he stepped into the bedroom once again.

"And why is that, Newbie?"

He didn't reply, just shifted a bit, lips twitching nervously as he moved his hand. Even as he protected his eyes from any excess light and couldn't see a thing, he could hear Perry's steps as he came closer the bed and then the mattress sinking as the older man sat down. It was more then a week after his surgery and somehow it still felt as if he was lying on the hospital bed.

He could feel Perry raising his left arm to uncover his eyes and he passively allowed it, blinking hard few times as his eyes grew accustomed to the light all over again.

"It hurts." He murmured weakly as Perry's eyes studied his face for signs of discomfort. "More then usually, I mean. It feels different."

"I assume you took your meds?"

"Two pills in the afternoon and two more about hour ago." JD hissed out as he winced and closed his eyes for a moment.

"You can't possibly be getting used to it already; it's been only a week." Perry reached out and ran his fingers through JD's hair, pulling it back so it wouldn't fall in his eyes. "Newbie, are you even listening to me?"

"No." JD gasped out, his left hand grabbing Perry's own as he curled more into himself, as if it could help to relieve the pain. His throat was sore and he had troubles with speaking up clearly, but when Doctor Cox moved away a bit he clenched his fingers tighter.

"Stay. Please?"

"I am just going to get you something to drink, Newbie. I'll be right back."

JD said nothing, but he released the death grip he had on his lover's wrist and just laid there motionlessly, hoping that the limited movement would help.

Perry paced back to the kitchen, thoughts going wild in his head. If it was more then a week after the surgery it was obvious that the healing tissues and growing bones might hurt, but it should be nothing that gabapentin wouldn't be able to take care off; after all, it was the analgesic designed to deal with pain for patients with post-traumatic effects. So what was going on that even the double dosage didn't help? If the kid doesn't calm down soon he might have no other option but to--

"Dammit!" He hissed as he stepped down on the piece of shattered porcelain that littered the kitchen floor. JD told him to watch out, but he was too absorbed with his own thoughts and cursed himself now he watched as the material of his sock was stained red. It wasn't a deep cut, nothing he couldn't take care off later, so he grabbed the half-empty bottle of mineral water and made his way back, limping only a little.

"Here." He sat down on the bed once again, raising the bottle to JD's lips and tipping it slightly, allowing the other man to take few long gulps. The pleasantly coo water soothed his sore throat a bit, so JD laid down again, half curled into himself, head resting on Perry's thigh.

JD had no idea how long they stayed like this; He found himself slowly dozing off, only to be rudely waken up by another spasm. Trying to ride out the pain he clutched at the bed covers with his good hand and head pressing more firmly against Perry's jeans-clad leg, finding it at least a bit comforting. He didn't know for how long this continued and was only half aware that Perry was saying something to him as his hand ran through his hair every now and then, but he wasn't really able to make out any sense of his words. He was also faintly aware that Perry was gone from his side for a while, only to return in few moments.

"JD? JD, look at me."

The hands on his face were unnaturally gentle and when he opened his eyes he could see Perry's face hovering over his own.

"I need you to focus now, JD. You still with me?"

He only managed to nod weakly, but it had to be enough.

"Good. Listen, the painkillers are not working, so I am going to give you a shot. You should feel better after this. If not, we might need to take you back to Sacred Heart." JD's eyes widened a bit and he sent Perry a confused look as the older doctor rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and tied a band just above his elbow.

"Wait." He groaned out, successfully making Doctor Cox to look up at him. "What shot?"

"It's morphine. No, don't look at me like that, Newbie. I took it from hospital when you were leaving. Kinda hoped we wouldn't have to use it." He growled in displeasure at the thought, as he readied the syringe with well-practiced ease.

"No, no morphine." JD's protest was weak as he shook his head. "I can just wait till it goes away."

"It's not going to, Newbie. Seriously, doctors are the worst patients." Perry tried to smirk, but somehow failed to do so. "Why you have made Gandhi your medical proxy is beyond me, but as far as I am concerned you've made me your second choice. So believe me when I am saying this, you need that shot."

"No." This time JD's hand grabbed his hand that held out the syringe. "No morphine. It's... it's just--" He stopped in the middle of the sentence, his fingers curling over Perry's wrist with enough force to make the older man wince. His other hand rested on JD's cheek as his partner tried to overcome the wave of pain and failed, finally letting out a tormented gasp.

"Shhh." Perry tried to calm the other man down as he stroke his cheek in comforting gesture. "You're just going to hurt yourself more, JD. It's ok, you know I wouldn't make this choice if it wasn't necessary, don't you?"

JD did not reply, only let out a pained moan and finally let Doctor Cox's hand go, giving up. He felt as Perry took his left arm searching for the vein and the slightly burning prickle of skin as the needle pierced it. Somehow it all felt distant and he couldn't focus, but then the snap of the released band brought him back to attention.

Perry waited. One hand still pressing down the gauze on the place where the needle broke the skin while he rested the other on the side of JD's neck and waited.

He didn't like the idea of using morphine himself. It shouldn't be even necessary, not in the case like this. Why gabapentin failed now was beyond him, since it worked out just fine for the past week or so.

He was glad that the drug worked quickly; after few moments JD's tensed features seemed to relax and he was no longer frowning. The slight twitching of the fingers on his right hand that he had observed earlier seemed to stop now, as the younger man's body grew limp and relaxed. JD blinked hard few times, struggling to stay awake.

"It's ok." Perry whispered back, the hand on his neck moving up to rest on the side of JD's head. "It's ok, let go. Sleep would be good right now."

Doctor Cox noticed that he tried to say something but failed miserably. JD was slowly slipping into drugged sleep, hopefully without any disruptions. When a few tears rolled down freely from his eyes Perry knew it was normal, just the simple physiological reaction of the body letting go of the pain. He had seen it so many times with his patients over the course of the years, but now, in his own bedroom, it felt different. _Unbearable_.

JD could feel Perry's fingers drying his tears and his last thought before slipping into unconsciousness was that Perry's bedside manner with his patients wasn't as bad as it always seemed.


End file.
